Thursday, October 2, 2014

Me and Larry

So my gay dad is weird. He's been schlepping around this poster since 1989. That's a long time ago! Hey the poster is older than me!

He has this Laurence Olivier thing and spent 700 dollars framing the poster under glass where it is proudly displayed in the living room. I mean, in the photo, where are they looking? Are they looking at the heath?! I spent much time pondering this question. I even adopted the pose so I can maybe see what they are doing:


But I could see nothing except baby kitty's fatness take over the universe. Now if you readers think that I'm exaggerating about her humongosity, just take a look at this photo:


I rest my case!

Friday, September 26, 2014

Help us Tim Gunn!

My gay dad needs to calm down. He's been yelling at his students again! Dude take a quaalude.

OK the same yelling crazy gay dad that I mentioned above went to China this summer. Now in China it gets hot. I get that. And they cannot run into a mall or a movie theater to cool down as we do in the US. So in order to cool down, the men pull up their shirts to their nipples and expose their midsection, like this:


OK far be it for me to question cultural differences, BUT THIS IS NOT NICE!!!!!! NOT A GOOD LOOK!!!!!!! OMG no no no no. Is there any other way? Especially when there are a group of them all doing the same thing. This is what I feel like:


Where is Tim Gunn? Come save me!

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Stupid Charmmy

OK I just have to post ONE MORE THING about Hello Kitty. So everyone who read my recent post is saying, "Who the hell is Charmmy? This is so lame. I looked up Charmmy Kitty and found this!

It's so cute that I want to barf. Even Baby Kitty wants to barf. And who is that weird little parasite on top of her? Evidently it's Sugar. What the hell kind of name is that?

So here's the deal. Hello Kitty is not a cat but a British girl, who has a cat named Charmmy who has a stupid pink bow and a weird parasite named Sugar. Is this a fractal?

Friday, September 19, 2014

Beyonce so pretty

So I'm still fuming about the fact that Hello Kitty is not a cat. It's like saying that Baby Kitty is not fat. Ugh! OK onto happier matters. I've been listening to a lot of Beyonce lately. I think that she is awesome, and stylish. I looked online and found this lovely picture.

Of course we know that she has shapely legs, which is part of her appeal. See how nicely they are crossed in the picture? So I thought maybe I can have a modeling career too? Maybe? See I can cross my legs.





I think I have a shot. It beats sitting around watching Baby Kitty wolf down her breakfast. Where is Heidi Klum?!!!!!

Friday, September 12, 2014

Hello not Kitty?

Look! My gay dad went to the Hello Kitty cafe in Seoul! Isn't it adorable. And he saw a Hello Kitty plane. Why can't I have a plane?





And the bomb fell and we found out the following! WTF!

Hello Kitty is a British girl, not a cat

Hello Kitty has whiskers. She has pointy, feline ears. She has "Kitty" in her name." Despite all that, she is not a cat, according to Sanrio, the Japanese company that produced her. Rather, Hello Kitty is a third-grade British girl who lives outside London. Christine R. Yano, an anthropologist at the University of Hawaii who has extensively studied the cartoon character, is curating a Hello Kitty retrospective at the Japanese American National Museum. But in putting together the exhibit, she stumbled across this shocking truth: When Yano was preparing her written texts for the exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum, she says she described Hello Kitty as a cat. "I was corrected — very firmly," she says. "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty." [Los Angeles Times] Wikipedia still claims Hello Kitty is a Japanese Bobtail cat. Wikipedia is wrong, if Yano is to be believed.

What kind of stupid ass announcement is this!??

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Somewhere beyond the Kuiper belt...

Hello world, so in my deepest cogitations I have made a connection that might explain a lot of things. We all remember Mulder and Scully from the X-files, spaceships, extraterrestrial take-over, all that good stuff.
Well, I came across an image of an alien the other day that made me realize: OMG is baby kitty an alien? I mean, look at the resemblance!!!!
The same tiny mouth aperture, little nose, vacant eyes fixed on nothing in particular. I'M NOT KIDDING, PEOPLE!!!!!! Please someone get on eBay and send me a sonic screwdriver! This is my other gay dad with a sonic screwdriver. OMG.