what is all that noise?

baby kitty catches a bad cold. she is all wheezing and sniffling and gurgling and barfs everywhere. then she loses her appetite, even for wet food. immediately my gay dad gets worried and takes her to the vet. evidently reports had it that she screamed the whole way (quelle surprise!). while at the vet, she sneezes about 15 times in succession and spews out all this snot. eeeeuwwwwwww. that's so gross, baby. then the vet gives her these pills, which of course she throws up whenever my gay dad administers them. finally he gave up. she is so fat.

miso happy when you so happy

we have a visitor! a kitty named miso comes to visit. he is an orange
tabby like my ex-boyfriend loki from houston. of course baby kitty was SO MAD! so mad. i was trying to be nice to miso, but baby kitty would come and hit him on the head, and then she would hit ME on the head. so i had to snuggle with baby kitty to make her feel less abandoned. and poor miso was friendless. baby kitty even stole his scratching pad. she is so bad. finally miso kitty went away, but i hope that he comes back.

baby it's cold outside!

it was sooooo cold this winter. we had five storms.
it was even freezing inside!



baby's got her winter coat on.

i am so mad at my gay dads for moving here. evidently the heat was very expensive so they kept it off during the day. excuse me, but aren't there kitties in the house who need to be warm? and i am slender, UNLIKE SOME KITTIES,and don't have much in the way of natural insulation. i would try to snuggle next to baby kitty but she is so temperamental.

we moved!

trauma of all traumas. my gay dad and my other gay dad decided to move in together, so we had to leave wellesley! wah! baby kitty screamed in the car the whole way. i'm like, girl, you're not dying. she is such a fat baby. anyway, here is a picture of me looking at my new digs.

of course i hid behind the refrigerator for a few hours.

then i was fine. baby kitty meowed for days. drove me CRAZY.

my so called mom

my mommy debbie came to visit me! she is so pretty.

she was in wellesley to chat to my gay dad about something
or the other. also she is involved in native american rights.

I love native americans! I think that I am one.

what's a native american?

sadly, I have to say, my mommy said that i look old! i'm not old. i'm
only .... ok well maybe i'm a little old. i'm distinguished! anyway
i went on the shopping network and bought all this fur cream. now i
have beautiful fur. here is a picture of me and mommy touching each
other




do you think that she is creating me or i am creating her? hahaha.

plus size model for 2010

Hello world! This week I held a baby kitty lookalike contest. The events were (a) eating, (b) sleeping, (c) looking fat. Over 100 kitties participated from around the globe. And the winner is Gertrude from Germany! Those Wagnerian Germans always have a genetic advantage. Congratulations Gertrude! You are crowned the Miss Baby Kitty Lookalike Queen for the next year!

croissanwich!

awwwww look how cute i am. oh baby kitty is pretty cute as well.
she is spooning me. you know, she sort of looks like a buttery
croissant here. you must admit that the similarity is striking.

kitty platelets and bonito flakes

hi everyone! well, i got dragged to the vet. i guess my gay dad was worried that i am so skinny the doc weighed me and found that i was about 7.5 pounds, same as last year, so i was stable. baby kitty got dragged along too. she screamed. i'm like, girl, you aren't dying. then they shaved our necks and tried to draw blood. i did it just fine, but baby was a hollering lunatic and they couldn't take any blood out. bad hippo baby! but as it turns out, the blood test cost 125 dollars, so my gay dad was grateful for baby kitty's screaming fit.

so here are my blood test results. um. omg! look how high my cholesterol is. i should stop eating those oily bonito flakes. and my potassium is low. note to self:  remember to eat more bananas.

are my platelets ok? i hope so!!!! but the doc said that i was the bill of good health, in general. yay me! 

if *my* cholesterol is high, i am dying to know baby kitty's cholesterol level. haha fatty kitty.

idoodle

hello world. sorry i've been out of touch. i got a new iphone and
i can't stop playing with it. i have this nice app called idoodle.
look what i drew! it's a picture of baby. and i made her face
nice and round to emphasize how fat she is. she is the big
kitty face taking over the world!

yawning in the new year

dear world:

the hippo kitty and i would like to wish everyone a happy holiday season.

we have been offline for a while because i've been at a yoga training center and hippo was at a fat farm for kitties (it did no good). in wellesley there is this yoga studio called laughing dog. um excuse me?! dogs don't laugh. they drool and whine. i'm going to open a studio called yawning kitty. off to nap!

stingo

flied lice

my mom's friend has had a battle with lice in her house lately. i am sympathetic. baby kitty and i feel your pain, assy!

my, what beautiful ears you have!

it's been a tough time for ears. everyone's ears are falling apart. baby kitty got a hematoma in her ear and had to have surgery on it. she screamed all the way to the vet, as usual. now her ear is kind of crinkly. lydia had the same problem with her ear too. and then there's moby. he got into a fight with another dog, who bit off half his ear. my ears, however, are both beautiful and perfectly shaped. take a look at the ears below and try to identify mine!

Ear Number One

Ear Number Two

Ear Number Three

Ear Number Four

Stanleys

hi world. I was looking online the other day and saw this picture
and description of a kitty on the adoption page:





STANLEY...is a very handsome SEALPOINT HIMALAYAN. He is 4 years old and came to us from a shelter where he was left by an owner moving to North Carolina where "cats are not allowed" according to him. Stanley took his abandonment extremely hard as he was very bonded to his people and was several weeks before he calmed down enough to let us know him. He lived with a dog before so is good with them and will adapt to other cats fine if properly introduced. He is a bit on the shy, sensitive side. He can walk on a leash and harness and loves wand and string toys.

so I thought that maybe we can adopt him, but really, how many stanleys can there be in one household! it would be too much! he looks like maybe he has a dark side, and walking on a leash is just not kitty-like. whenever my gay dad puts me on a leash I lie down and pretend that I am dead. baby kitty is really good at it too. she is so fat.

stray kitty

there was a stray kitty at my idaho grandmother's house. my mom says that i used to be this fleet of foot.

Did I Mention? My Dads are PhDs

more cat pictures

Reunited, and it tastes so good!

finally! baby kitty came home! i had to spend a whole night by myself. it was terrible. baby kitty has a weird thing in her ear. i think that she was taken by aliens. i asked her if they put an anal probe in her butt; she didn't seem to want to talk about it. poor baby kitty! she looks sad. i am going to bake her some cupcakes to cheer her up.

BABY?!?!

WHERE IS BABY KITTY? i don't know where she is. my gay dad tookher away two days in a row, and then brought her back right away each time. but then he took her away again, and returned without her. where did she go? i'm all alone. i'm scared. what if she doesn't come back? i've never spent the night by myself! i'm nervous. where's my ativan? i need to call my anxiety specialist. wah!

you say hematomah'so, I say he ma to' may' so

oh baby kitty did it again. she got herself an auricular hematomaso her ear was all gross and filled with pus. she was dragged off to the vet again. the doc said that she had polyps in her ear. eeeeeuwwww. i hope it's not contagious. i don't want polyps in my beautiful ears! at least she lost half a pound. of course she screamed the entire way there and back. and a day later her ear filled up with fluid again. yuck. so nasty. polypy hippo-ey kitty.

sorry, baby, you is not the biggest loser

the other day baby kitty had to go to the vet to get her shots. HAHAHAHA. she screamed the entire way there, i heard. you're not dying, girl.

anyway she was weighed by the vet and she is 13 pounds now. HAHAHAHAHA. fatty kitty! and i got to stay home! in fact, it is one of those rare moments of my life when i am by myself.
yippee! i got to run around the house naked. wheeeee! oh wait. i'm naked most of the time.
hmmm.

mirror, mirror, on the wall...

as i was looking online the other day i came across the following description of a sea cucumber that accompanies eric satie's piano work entitled "embryons desechees."

The Holothurian crawls across boulders and rocky surfaces.
This sea-animal purrs like a cat; also, it produces disgusting silky threads. Light appears to have an incommodating effect on it.

you know, i never really thought of kitties to resemble sea cucumbers. but then i looked at baby kitty and thought, well, maybe there is a resemblance after all:

peace! joy! catnip!

dear world

merry christmas and happy new year to everyone!
and don't forget to send catnip my way.

stingo

i am so mad

i'm so mad at my gay dad. we got hauled all the
way to the vet for our rabies shots. baby kitty
screamed the entire way there. i was not happy!
meow! when we got there, we found out that we
already had our rabies shots in january, so then
we went all the way home. so all the trauma was
for nothing. baby kitty screamed the whole way
back as well. she is so dramatic. well, here's
a copy of our certificates. no rabies for us!!!

look at 94 down!

It's me!!! Notice that my gay
dad didn't finish the puzzle. There is a square
missing.

I tried to ask Baby Kitty to help me, but she was
too busy staring into space.

Oh yesterday there was a mouse in the house! I tried
to be brave and catch it. But the mouse was too
sneaky.

My gay dad caught it and took it outside. My other
gay dad DJ was scared of the mouse and cried like
a little girl.

baby kitty has fallen! and she can't get up!

i mean, really, look at her. she is without
shame.

big head

my mom loves this poem that my gay day taught
to her. she cracks up whenever she hears it.
it goes like this.

da toe da toe
sha u" bu tso.
ren jia yo san,
woa yo da toe.

here is the translation

big head big head
doesn't worry when it rains.
other people have umbrellas,
but i have a big head.

do you think my head is big?

speaking of rain, i have seen rain from the window
but i've never been in it. you know, i actually
haven't been out in a while. i'm feeling a little
pasty without the sun. do you think my gay dad could
get me a UV light? i don't want vitamin D deficiency, right?

basic instinct

this is how i see it. i am a kitty. but i am
really a puma! PUMA! i crawl to the highest point
of my living room, i mean JUNGLE! I am a PUMA in
a JUNGLE. meow. I scan the dangerous jungle for
moving signs of life. nothing. but suddenly in
the corner of my eye there is movement! my puma
senses are alert! it is baby kitty! i mean, it
is a hippo! a big HIPPO! the hippo-kitty sits
and lounges, jiggling her big hippo-kitty butt
in the open sun. i prepare to pounce at the wiggly
mound of fat, a tasty dinner at hand! here i go! i
jump! the hippo-kitty sees me, fear in her hippo eyes,
begins to run, but i am svelte and lissom, and i catch
up to her! i attack the hippo-kitty from behind! she
turns around, extends her arm and hits me on the head!
OWWWWWW. ow ow ow ow ow. so mean. such a mean
hippo-kitty. ow ow ow my head hurts. i slink away in
pain. it is difficult being king of the jungle.

sweet lydia

besides baby kitty i spent most of my life living
also with lydia, a calico who was hungry all the
time. lydia was nice but she largely ignored me,
spending most of her time sleeping or looking
for nibbles. of the three of us, she would kill
all the little mice that came our way (i am scared
of mice, did i mention?), and one
time she protected us from the evil poka (more on
poka later). she spent a great deal of time in
the litter pan, and i would have to wait and wait
and wait. one time i couldn't wait any longer
and had to pee in the houseplant.
sadly lydia died last november. my
gay dad cried and cried. here are some pictures
of lydia, one when she was a baby, and one with
my other gay dad dj.

Where's My Parade?

boo. mom gets to go kayaking and my gay dad gets to view the rockies from a helicopter. all i get to do is to play with my own tail, and everyone thinks that i am weird. baby kitty hisses and pretends that she is some fashion model. i am bored.

ow! my beautiful ears!

ear pulling contests are scary. who ever
thought of them? i could never subject my
pretty ears to such brutality. i think
that i have nicer ears than baby kitty.
speaking of body parts, i think that my
tail is pretty fun. i have a cute tail.
baby kitty has an unattractive ratty tail.
sometimes i chase my tail and everyone
thinks that i'm crazy. i don't care what other people think.

watch amazing inuit women (did I mention my mom is inupiaq?) pulling each other's ears here:
http://community.adn.com/mini_apps/vmix/player.php?ID=1469590&GID=

she's no farrah, this one

baby kitty occasionally has bad hair days. so clearly it
is my job to fix her hair. so i try and try
to groom her. what are friends for? then she
gets all meowy and starts to squirm and fret,
and her little paw comes out and bops me on
the head. no gratitude at all, even though her
hair now looks fantastic. how can she expect to look
like a diva when her hair is out of place? i'm sure.

if I don't watch my figure, who will?

that baby kitty. she keeps trying to steal my food. i get wet food and she gets dry. that's how it is now. but when the wet food comes i can always sense her sneaking around behind me. it makes me nervous. she's sneaky. sometimes when she keeps watching me eat i lose my appetite. that's exactly what she wants, you see. after i abandon my food she slinks up and eats the rest. i hate to broadcast this to the world, but she's getting a bit paunchy. i for one am still maintaining my cute girlish figure.

me -- seven years and two lives ago!

As you will notice in this digital photograph, I hail from the Anti-Cruelty Society (Chicago). My first home was on the Ravenswood brown line until Mom flew me to Houston to live with Stanley and DJ (humans), Lydia and Baby Kitty (felines), and Doubtless (Iguana). We all lived there until we moved to Wellesley, Mass.

My how a body gets around.

true colors!

My gay dad took my delinquent mom to the big gay Cyndi Lauper all-star concert in Boston. Oh, how I yearned to go! If only I could have seen Rufus Wainright, Erasure, Blondie and Margaret Cho under one roof! I had my heart on hearing Blondie, but understand she was not so good. But, a big shout out to Margaret Cho for her rap about her "puss!"



"My puss is keeping it real. Your puss invented the wheel!"

my first blog entry

back in 2000 my mom wrote this email to her friend Jenny:

"I worked on that paper last night at home from 10:00 until 12:30. I took two breaks and talked on the phone. While I was on the phone Stingo jumped on and around my laptop. This time I was prepared. I left a blank Word document open so I could see what he "typed." I saved the document to a disk and have copied his message below. I like to think it's a disgruntled letter to his Mom, like the one we read this weekend! "

this is what i wrote. mind you, i wasn't yet so intimately acquainted with qwerty keyboards, so it's a little rough. now my kitty toes play the keys of a laptop like liberace played his rhinestone-encrusted baldwin grand:

B54rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttf6444443eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiii9999999999999999999988888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888887uuuuuuuuuuuu[;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''tttttttttttttttttttt655555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555555njiii0\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\]----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-n------iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkns\